Have we really lived a year without our beautiful sweet Mia girl? It seems like forever and it seems like yesterday. Some people say that after the first year things get better. We just have to make it through all the “firsts” without her: first birthday, first day of school, first Christmas. But it is not just the first birthday, first day of school, the first Christmas without her. It is every birthday, every first day of school, every Christmas. Every day.
It is every birthday. How old will she be and how beautiful will she become each year? What would we buy for her that she will just love? What kind of party would she have?
It is every first day of school. What grade would she be in now? What would she be doing with all her wonderful friends? What projects and papers would she be proudly bringing home to show us?
It is every Christmas. What would Santa bring this year? How would her wonderful face sparkle when she came down the stairs Christmas morning? What fun would she have singing Christmas songs and making Christmas cookies with Andrew?
It is not just the first days, it is every day.
It is every day that the kids get on the bus each morning and she isn’t there. Every day when I stop at school and see her wonderful mural and think how many people she touched. Every day when I can’t stop in her classroom to say hello like I do for Andrew. It is every day that Andrew reaches milestones that Mia reached, and brings home the same art projects or same books. It will be every day that he surpasses her milestones and does things that she will never get a chance to do. It is every day when we look at pictures of her when she was so little and we think that this isn’t supposed to happen to our babies. It is every day when I pass the girls’ department of the store and see all the cute things that she will never get to wear. Then I have to turn away and can’t look at all, every day It is every day when we see how her sweet friends are growing and how lovely they look and we think how she should be with them. She should be with us every day. It is every day when I pass her picture in the hall and see her bright smile and sparkly eyes and shout out loud “WHY??!” It is every day when Andrew has to grow up without his big sister. It is every single day that we have to live without our Mia. It is every day we wake up in the morning and her bed is empty. It is every day that there are only three places at our table. It is every day that we cannot hold her delicate hand and hug her and hear her say that she loves us. It is every day we kiss her teddy goodnight instead of her soft cheek. It will never ever, ever be enough. Every day.