Why? Why? Why? Why?
A place to pour out my feelings, hopes, fears, and wishes. - Adrienne
I know many of you don't want to call us because you don't want to bother us. Please feel free to call, really. We haven't been able ourselves to pick up the phone to ask for help, mostly because we don't really know what we need. Well, we only need one thing. But it means so much to us just to know you are there for us every day.
Perfect is the brilliance of a flawlessly cut diamond as it sparkles in the sunlight.
Perfect are the stars that light up the dark night sky.
Perfect are the soft dewy petals of the fragrant rose.
Perfect is our Mia.
"She's such a little trooper" we have heard so often. "So brave." "An inspiration." Well, maybe so. But the beautiful thing is that she doesn't even know it. She's just being Mia. Wonderful Mia.
55 doctor visits.
19 different doctors.
4 bone scans.
3 bone marrow biopsies.
5 weeks of radiation.
14 blood transfusions.
8 platelet transfusions.
I know, I know. Thank you for so patiently waiting for me to get my act together and update you. Sometimes I think for a long time about what to say before sitting down to write it. Sometimes I just write down what I am thinking at the time. But each and every time it takes a lot of mental and emotional preparation just to see my thoughts in words in front of me. Sometimes I just have to wait another day until I am able.
Everyone keeps telling us how great Mia has been looking recently. And she has been looking great! Her beautiful eyebrows and eyelashes are back, her hair is starting to come in all dark and fuzzy, her eyes are bright, her color is peachy and she is full of energy and smiles.
I still cry every day. Yes, even when Mia is looking and feeling so well.
Those beautiful big brown eyes.
Oh God, where are you?
Desperation, heartache, despair.
Love, hope, prayer.
We have our good days, our bad days and our really bad days when we are in the hospital or feeling particularly terrible.
I see the world differently since this all began.
Usually I have planned out in my head what to write in these updates. I have thought about it for some time, and when my emotions are finally in check, I can actually sit at the computer and see the words on the screen. For this edition, I really didn't have a plan, I just don't know what to write. Maybe I just didn't want you to know what has been in my head this summer.
What is love?
We are still waiting for a medical miracle. We are still waiting for God's miracle. But the miracle of Christmas came through right on time. Santa Claus always comes through. Christmas in the eyes of a child is a wondrous joy that can put a smile on the saddest of hearts.
I love being Mia's mother. She is the most wonderful girl in the world. She amazes me every day. I love smelling her skin, I love feeling her hand in mine, I love looking into her big brown eyes and I love hearing her say "I love you, Mommy." If this whole thing has brought us closer and given us more time together, then I'll take every minute.