I still can't believe that our Mia is gone. It seems like only yesterday that we still held her. We will never look into those beautiful big brown eyes again. We will never hold those soft little hands again. We will never see that bright smile or hear that big belly laugh. We will even miss the little things like her little mannerisms and little things she said and did. The sadness is so deep that there are no words to describe it. It is so much more that just missing her. It is everything that she did, everything that she touched, everything that she made, everything that she was and everything that she could have been.
She is a part of everything around us, and she always will be and she never will be again. We feel her in her coat hanging on the hook, in the words she has written to us, and in the teddy waiting for her on her pillow. But we don't yet feel her here with us. She is just gone... But I think someday we may feel a light touch on a cheek, or a feather of a hug, or hear a little giggle, or see a rainbow and know.
There have been so many 'firsts' without her - first birthdays, first vacations, first Christmas. And there will be many more. There will be many 'nevers' - she will never have her 10th birthday and I will never buy her any more cute girly clothes and or presents. But there will be always. She will always be nine years old. She will always have made our family who we are. We will always love her. We will always miss her. We will always believe in angels. There will forever be an empty seat at our table and empty place in our broken hearts. We must try to enjoy things without feeling guilty for enjoying. We will never understand why or how this happened to such a wonderful little girl. Why Andrew must grow up without his big sister, why we must live without our Mia. This Christmas will be red and green - and blue.